Stitch The Lining Of My Heart

Light hearted banter, sarcasm to bring a smile.

these are a few of my favorite things.

However, sometimes my favorite things are temporarily placed on hold by my least favorite things.

A choice.

Impossibly heavy.

But I know the answer.

There really isn't a question worth posing.

Sometimes the hardest part, the most difficult thing to admit is knowing, knowing the answer, and owning its truth, every single ounce of pain and tolerance that has ever gone into finding it.. my answer.

I know that answer, and that is a gift, one of my lifes greatest blessings.

Yet a question that seems to stitch the lining of my heart at times, like tonight.

I guess some lessons need to bring me to my knees, because that may very well be the only place that will help me understand, and know.. beyond reason that I have no room to question, not even a slivers worth amount of space.  I have no room for error.

My freedom is oddly somehow absolute and complete restraint.

I know the answer.

I promise.

One day, not too far from now, I pray I will not question it, and this wound, this battle, will fade.

and no blogland totally not about a boyfriend.

we're still mad at that ex.

You are team Shay on this one.

Light hearted banter, sarcasm to bring a smile.

These are a few of my favorite things.

Cheer Up Idiot, It's Flippin' Friday.

Today I feel like this. (see above photo from a month ago)

Today is technically two seconds before midnight, which is still kinda totally Thursday.

What I look like though.. is a tank top, towel around my waist, I've lost my will to live and put pajamas on kind of day.

At least my nails are painted meh chiped kind of paint. painted NONE THE LESS.

I've been in a bad mood for 48 hours+ now, granted I have slivers of happiness/caffeine/candy infused moments, and I simply cannot blame PMS. which I blame every bad decision I have ever made in my life on.

For the record I only had caffeine today because my head hurt for an entire 18 hour period and I needed it, and it needed me dangit.  I've been trying to quit for about.. 17 years now.

So it's just my personality this week., no need for a medical diagnosis on this one.  I just saved an arm and a leg basically on my medical bills.

I know you all are going to be sweet and say, CHEER UP IDIOT, IT'S FLIPPIN FRIDAY!

Nah. It won't work.

Maybe.

So rather then rant and rave about how I'm in a bad mood for silly little reasons.. I'm just gonna post a ton of pictures of my face.

Web Cam style.

Wanna Skype? This is what you get.

A little bit of ridiculous and awesome all in one.

That's what I'm going to name my children.

Ridiculous

&

Awesome.

Social Services would be on my tail instantly.

Don't worry, I am still naming my son Harry Potter.

This is my Briss, did you just see that Zombie, face?  Or am I turning into a Zombie face. I can't decide.

This is the face I make when I'm in church, and the speaker looks at me. 

Or whenever someone is praying and I stare right at them, just in case they are bad prayer-ers and open their eyes. Right, T?  We are safe.

This is what I look like when I cry, only way, way worse. 

Isn't it neat how I have two necks?  God just loves me more then you guys, so I'm doubly blessed.

Obituary picture FOR SURE. 

I've never been sexier, ever or more bizarre looking.

Curazzy.

This was back in the olden days a few months ago when I didn't know how to look at the camera.

Clearly sometimes the only way to go is up, like my eyebrow arch. 

Is this the face you're making reading my blog and looking at all my pictures?

I can only hope. 

I like the green hue on the edit, it makes me look sea sick and totally cute.

Could I be any more frightening? It's doubtful.

I really like the vein on the side of my head, it's really powerful, I keep thinking Lord Voldermort for some reason. 

It's like a clown ate another clown and swallowed a huge mouth.

This is my I hear it's your friggin' birthday Kell, on Saturday.  You best be sitting at your mail box night and day, like a lunatic... as you promised.  Hope your birthday is totally bomb, and I hope you know this photo is in the mail, blown up, poster sized, just for you.  and  I hope you know I'm lying.. but I kinda wish I wasn't because that would be a horrificly fantastic gift to send.

This is what I look like after I've been struck by lightening.

Happens all the time in the south, right Dusty?

And this is my - my best friend sends me the most awesome stuff face.

If she's still my best friend, she has had company for like ever, and has severely neglected her best friend duties, like be at my beckon call. c'mon.

She's definitely on probation.

Who wouldn't want to talk to this idiot?

Don't answer that.

Unless of course you say you want to talk to me.

And on a side note.. another reason to explain why I'm all orney about my life is my dearest Padtastic/Brooke gave birth this afternoon to Jackson/Batman.. and she's 5 hours away, and the picture. the pictures.. the texts.. oh they make me just pout and cry because of my location in the united states.  Everyone gets to hold him and kiss him and tell him how sweet he is, and how he's a superhero BUT ME.

I love him, could you just die?

Nah, nah, nah, nah, nha BATMAN!

:)

Just dance and sing and all will be well.

And if its not, then eat some candy, you'll feel better.

That is what I keep telling myself.

So poetic.

I am sure it's quotable.

The Day I Broke Up With Wednesday.

Currently I have more product in my hair then Sally's Beauty supply.

Why?

Because I could not for the life of me get my hair to do a single thing.

Curling iron?

My hair mocked it, literal mocking.

Flat iron?

When my hair has been curly, and not blown straight-erish well its just out of the question.

In absolute defeat, and an actual growl from my mouth after I knew it was going to claim victory over me this morning... and by "it", I mean my hair. It won. I moved on, and now look like a fool.

At least my hair smells good, so therefor I smell good.

After spending ten extra minutes getting ready this morning I was late.

And by late I mean, later then usual, so I grabbed my smock & bottoms, my thought process went as follows.

Where are my gray pants?

Oh they're on the bathroom floor, wrinkly now.

Why are my black pants in this drawer, I should have worn them yesterday.

I always wear them on Wednesdays with my gray smock.

Oh we changed smocks.

That's why.

It's fine.

I'll wear the black ones.

And I have a moment where I think about how stupid the radio is for discussing which High School has more mullets.   Everyone here has mullets because everyone is a gosh dang cowboy.  Then the radio DJ says he says he hates the Adele song Set Fire To The Rain, and so I say to him, I hate you.  Like outloud.  And I turn off my radio and fly out of my house on my broomstick obviously.

Que my radio in my car, but now i'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes,  all that I know is that I don't know, how to be something you miss, never thought we had a last kiss..

and I literally say out loud..

"Taylor Swift, not today, not today.."

because I thought, oh I don't want to miss him today.

THEN.

I switch, "never mind I'll find someone like you.."  Aww H no, Adele.

Cop.

I'm going 15 over. (uhm 15 is not quite the right number)

So I slow down and think.. I totally deserve to be pulled over.

And then I think about if he were to pull me over, I would take it, and smile, and learn my lesson.

But he didn't he didn't pull me over all, even if he should have.

I bet he was eating a donut.

Then I thought about calling my best friend.

Then I remembered that she was with her friend that was visiting, so therefor she didn't text me to say good morning, so then I was beyond help with devastation, and then I was pissed that they were hanging out without me, on the other side of the country.

I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT.

Then I patted myself on the back for remembering my purse.

Because I have forgotten my purse TWICE, TWICE, TWICE in the last 5 days.

Once at my grandparents.

Once at work.

I figured it's best I don't have my ID on the weekend, and my friend conquered and said she would like me to turn in my ID to her on the weekends.

I don't really want to talk about that either, but it was funny.

Then I start thinking about the weekend, and if I'm going camping or not, and then I realize tomorrow is Friday and I have to decide.

THEN I realize that it's not effing Thursday at all.

IT'S WEDNESDAY.

Which is code for I am wearing the wrong smock.

And I had an entire conversation with myself about the color of my smock 10 minutes prior.

And I realize I am going to look like a fool at work.

And everyone will give me the third degree and I'll have to punch them.

The bigger problem being of course that it is not Thursday at all, and I was convinced all morning that it was.

Meanwhile Adele is still playing and I think.. Dangit, it's probably an Adele kind of day, I may as well sing along.  So I do.

And then I adjust my bra for the 12th time, because it rides up and to the side.

Because i have not taken the time to adjust it.

And because their is enough padding in it that should I ever stand in need of a pillow, I have one.

And then I think about how dumb I am for wearing the white one, it's the worst one.

I'm currently half bra covered on the right side, it's so fun.

Then I walked through the door at work.
Melanie instantly looks down at her shirt, jealous that her boobs are so much smaller then mine.

Not really, she was noting my smock color.

And I collapsed to my knees in my mind, and plead my case.

And she said, "I woke up thinking about what I should have said something to those girls yesterday at the store.." You guys, we hate those girls. Okay.  And I told her it's what I fell asleep thinking about..

Then I sat at my computer.

and thought.

Oh my gosh, this all happened in an hours time.

Today is going to suck.

But I have a billion things to be thankful for.

1. I have hair, and product to put in my hair.

2. I have a car to get me to work.

3. A phone to tell me what time it is.

4. boobs that require a bra, they aren't THAT small.

5. A job.

6. Money to go to a store.

7. A best friend.

8. Smocks, so I don't have to prepare my outfits.

9. excellent music taste.

10. you know, things.

It's A Love Hate Kind Of Day.

Well, alright.

I have nothing going on in my life whatsoever, so therefor I am back to just talking about myself as usual..  I'm good at it.

Remember yesterday, if you don't.. well.. we probably should hang out because you have memory loss and it would be so fun.  Anyways.. yesterday I blogged about certain things that make my blood boil in blogland, that being said one of them was.. I hate when people comment and you know they didn't read your post and they only want a follower..  well this morning when I woke up I had a comment.

ready?

"Lovely post darling! Check my blog and follow me if you want, I`ll follow back :X"  This was not a joke.

1. I died.

2. What in the crap is this :X? it scares me.

Screaming.

Oh and you guys, you all had me rolling yesterday with your comments, so funny.

okay, so things I love, things I hate.

I love cherry flavored things, but I hate cherries.

I love coconut flavored things, but I detest the texture of coconut.

I love my friends, but I hate that they all live a bazzzzzzzzzzilllion miles away. 

I love caffeine, but I hate that it gives me migraines.

I love other liquids, but uhm.. I hate them.

I love flavors in my liquids.. I HATE water. 

I love classic photos, I hate when I wear stripes in said photos.. stripes are for super stick figured people. HIPS SHAYLYNN, hips.

I love that my roommate is gone almost all the time, I hate that she's my roommate.

I love that I have a car, I hate that it's not a new one.

I love Red Lipstick, I hate that I almost always get in on my face.

I love music, I hate that I don't break the law and pay for my i of tunes.

I love that my friends skype with me for hours, I hate that we can't just sit on a couch for hours instead.

I love that Celine Dion will always be my favorite singer, don't make me hate you, bite your tongue, hold your fingers.

I love hot men, and I hate that I am so single and afraid to date.

I love that everyone knows I hate mushrooms, and I hate when people still cook with them.. restaurants are totally included.

I love going on vacation, I hate coming home.

I love my bed, I hate when I have to clean the sheets.

I love warm weather, I hate when I can't wear my hoodies when I'm having a fat day.

I love blogging, I hate when my friends don't update when I'm bored.

LIKE NOW.



Oh my gosh, could there be an uglier still?
My friend just told me I look like I have special needs.
Oh man.

Nerds, Polygamists, & PMS.



There are some things in life I just don't under-freakin-stand.

Allow me to clarify - heaven only knows how much I don't understand.

I don't understand a few things about blogland.

1. word verification.  it takes 10 minutes to figure out the word you're being asked to type.

confession: if i don't get it on the second try, i quit trying, and leave the blog all huffing and puffing and swearing and beating up people.

2. some of the bloglanders have pictures of their butts & boobs as their profile shot.  please don't ever follow my blog, like ever, butts & boobs people.  this is not the place. If your profile picture is funny, you can bet your life I will look into your world.  But butts and such.. uhm.. I just pray for you.

3. bloggers who leave a comment, who you know didn't read my post, and who I know for a fact just want me to follow their blog, never to return.. usually the final sentence.. follow me back? no. batman. no.  If I follow your blog its because I want to, and if I get bored, I'll stop, because I'm a blogitch like that.

4. uhm, and this vlog.  I never once said that my blog makes sense.

I mean c'mon.

Nerds.

Polygamists.

PMS.

I don't understand myself either.

it's only 2 minutes and 54 seconds.  that is a record.

New Post Alert.

Just kidding, you have to go somewhere else for it..

so click, click, click here. 3 x apparently.

for my post, on why I blahwg.

Beth was nice enough to ask me to brag about you people, and what you bring into my life, and gave me the freedom to take over her page, and totally talk about myself the ENTIRE time.

don't be lazy.
be classic.

go over there.

I'll miss you.

Loved.

A gift from a friend, in the form of a painting.. came to my front door this week.. oh how I love this girl.. so thankful, but you know this already..  remember?  If you don't, click on it, it's okay, you can come back and finish this post in 4 minutes, do it.  DANGITALL  She knows I love it, the whole "I'm not going to cry on your voicemail" gave it away.  If you would like me to cry on your voicemail, well.. you're sick.

I feel a swell of gratitude for the life I have laid before me, lately. 

No jokes necessary on that sentence.

I'm thankful for it.

The mundane and ordinary, I'm simply comfortable. I don't feel a need to pack a bag and run, one day I will.  For now I am content, and for me, the girl who tends to run.. it's a feeling I crave, like junk food.

I'm so thankful for a comment I received from Dusty yesterday which literally made me tear up.

Pick up your chin, Dusty.

"I just love who you are random and all.  Don't change ever, and if you do, take me on the journey with you."

It is by far the kindest comment I have ever received.

This coming from the girl who gets sarcastic and sweet comments all the time, I'm spoiled by awesome comments. 

But there is something to be said about being a blogger, and the risk you take, the heart you could cause damage to, that being your own, should someone use words as weapons, or heaven forbid STOP following you.  And at times I wonder if my blog really is that important, if I should stop. if what I write matters.. and yet, a minor confirmation that I am doing alright.  And should I fall into a rut, and my posts are dark and twisted, she'll stay with me. I'll take her with me.  And I won't have a need to erase six months worth of post like I did in 2011, because someone said that my blog was less then ideal.  I feel safe.  Loved.  and that my friends is a fan-fuh-reakingtastic feeling.

I'm just thankful.

Not a big post.

but it seems highly important to me.

so therefor I know it's totally important to you.

Gees.

Uhm, for the record I don't even look like me here.

But I'm posting it anyways because I read a blog today where a girl said, I don't read a post if there aren't any pictures.. I said something not so nice under my breath and will never return.

I'm thankful.

Even for her, the girl who can't read.. because I know that words, real words, with a genuine punch of authenticity don't need photos attached, its how I came to know you all, not through your photos, rather your words.

I love your words.

Gees I am so in love with blogland today, and it's past midnight, Friday is going to be a day full of love, love, love.  And a crapload of easter candy.. because my girl scout cookies are gone.  saddest day of the year.

I Predict the Future.

So, yesterday while I was at work - I was eating like a horse, not an actual horse, but you know.. a lot.  I wouldn't even know if horses eat a lot as a matter of fact because I am afraid of them, so... I don't spend time researching their eating habits. I have better things to do, like blog stalk.  While in my mass consumption of food day I had a moment of weakness and thought, I might die if I don' have a candy bar, like now, and I thought about selling my soul for one. you think I'm joking, but I'm NOT.  and then I had an epiphany.

Shaylynn you're going to start your period in the next 24 hours.

and just like that, 12 hours later I realized.. OMG I predict the future now.

I'm changing careers.

I know I have ALL of your support on this one.

Back to California for a minute.

Kodak moment.

You have no idea how much I love these pictures.

New obituary pictures for sure.

Old Town, the best thing to come out of it, besides a Chai Tea that left me crying with joy.  and Salt & Pepper Shakers.  What? Fingers Crossed.

if you remember the pink bird then you are classic in my blogland, good job follower.  good job, you can have the bird as your prize.

And because this blog has no meaning behind it whatsoever I think I'll leave you with a texting conversation between my friend and I.

I call her Tamponia.

She calls me Padtastic.

Pad: "are you in labor with batman, yet?"(jackson=batman)

Tampon: Shoot me.

Pad:  It would be double murder.

Tampon: I thought you were a true friend.

Pad: True friends NEVER kill each other on a Sunday.

Tampon:  You're right... it is Sunday. Monday is a day of evil.  Maybe tomorrow?

Pad: I will think about it.  I probably will be able to then.  But I would have to hire a hit man, and my phone broke & I don't have his number anymore.

Tampon: Pedro?

Pad: Like I would tell you his name.

Tampon: lol.

Pad: Do not text me back until you can be awesome.  wait.  then you might NEVER text back.

Tampon: This is me proving a point.

Tampon: it's Monday. We doing this or what?

Pad: I can't find his number, anywhere.  I have searched ALL morning..

Tampon: I don't believe you, fyi.

Pad: You know what.  I would never lie to you on a Tuesday. ever.
Tampon:  It's Monday, so obviously you're lying.

Pad: Dangit I was hoping you were super dumb today and wouldn't catch on.

Tampon: A@@

Pad:  I have never been called that before.  this is a day of firsts.

Tuesday:

Pad: Every minute that passes and you fail to text me back I assume you are in labor, fyi.

PMS Wednesdays.

There's no explaining it.

P.S. Birdy finally released her album in the U.S. i love this moment in my life.

Normal, Random, Quiet Life.

Last night I was talking with a friend and we both agreed that my blog is the most random blog in the world.

I like random.

However I hate surprises, so....

I couldn't have been more surprised by the shock that was my flight home.

I straight up cried.

What?

Me.
Cry?

Okay, this isn't shocking, I cry sometimes.

I don't normally cry on airplanes though, or public places,  I guess sometimes I randomly do.
48 hours later I'm adjusting again to my normal, random, quiet life.



Oh, you're taking my picture?

I had no idea.

Random moment, captured forever.

How can I not wish to be next to this messy faced sweetheart?

Who gave me a kiss after each bite of lucky charms I gave him. 

Random moment stored away in the memory banks of bliss.

And how can I not wish to be reminded that life is to difficult at times, we are to be tested, and when I told him I couldn't play the video game any longer because I was terrible he sang to me, "don't give up, don't give up, keep trying.." And it was the most adorable pep talk I've ever been given.  Randomly loved, I'll take it.

I like to see if I can balance on top of a fire hydrant, just because life is short and I'm 27.

Random soothes the soul, and keeps me jumping.

I'm rediscovering who I am.

Randomly and clearly.

Leaving behind the fog of 2011.

The ground I am standing on feels steady, and for so long it was constantly shaking.

I'm thankful for solid ground.

And I'm thankful for the minor nervous break downs mid flight.

Random moments of clarity.

Warning.

Warning.

If bad moods are contagious via blogland reading.. you're about to become super sick with orneriness.
I blame my cab driver at the airport.

"Who are you going home to?"

Oh man, post vacation funk is in full swing.

I am a lucky girl, a blessed girl, I know.

But blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.

Sorry for the super lame blog, once again.. I blame the cab driver.

I Grew Up With You.

Standing in her bathroom, readying ourselves for the day I said to my friend, "we're grown up's now.."  For a 27 year old to say such a thing to a 26 year old it may seem like a blatantly obvious statement, but my heart strings were attached to each word, each memory I ever made with this girl, made while away from her.. attached.

I grew up with her.

She has stayed with me, all these years, no strings attached, and loved me through and through.

A friend, true and faithful.

Some never find a friend that stays.

I am the luckiest girl.

And now, she's sitting next to me, telling me I am not going to sleep tonight, because a morning flight will be taking me home, yet I am fully aware that something, a part of me, is going to stay here.

As she said to me today, "we're going to remember this week for the rest of our lives.."  

I'm a lucky girl to have such a faithful friend.   

If people being really lame for 15 minutes offends you, this is the PERFECT video for you.
I would totally understand if you skip it, altogether.
Or just go to minute twelve, because that is when stuff just gets hilarious.. SOMEONE is special.

I am just learning, learning, learning.

Things I've realized this week about myself.

1. My bra shifts to the left, always, and its super annoying.

2. I am not going to go to movies anymore, because they almost always seem to be awful.

3.  Pop Rocks should not be choked on.

4. I don't like the rush of a big city, for a while I did.  And my friend is trying to convince me to move here, and I told her uh no. 

5. When I started changing my clothes in front of my friends Sister-in-law.. and I told her she was fine and that I didn't care.. I had a grown up moment and realized that SHE might care that I am just standing there in my boy shorts all naked and stuff.  I realized it hours later.  I am just growing up left and right.

6. Gummy bear wars make me happy, like insanely happy, especially when I hit a 4 year old square on the head.

7.  I haven't slept in once, not once in six days. I think it means I don't know how to sleep in - in California.

8.  I have a horrible, horrible potty mouth.  I need to remedy it, and just narrow down the list to appropriate swear words.

9.  I hate almost all tv shows that small children watch.

I am just learning, learning, learning.

A So Cal Vlog.

Oh my gosh.

I totally, totally hate when people post their vacation pictures, and I am not with them.

So if you wanna hate me.

Step in line.

But hate is a strong word, and it ages you.

I'm still in So Cal.

San Diego has been good to me.

I've drank a lot of soda and inhaled a hoarders pantries worth of candy.

So stick with me, there's a vlog at the end.

I like the vlogs, because sometimes I'm lazy with the typing of the words.

Here's a bomb of photos.

It's really not out of control, just enough to make someone scroll REAL quick.

Xander, Wanda,& Howie.

Shoot, what a kodak moment. 

Yep, I was staring at the ocean, like a fool for hours. 

I got sea sick just watching.

It was cold, like pneumonia cold.

I don't think I look ugly in this picture.

How's that Twiggs?

Complimenting myself. 

I'M WORKING ON IT.

Ali is my roommate this week.

She wears a retainer, it's super gross, but when she talks at night, I roll. 

Howie was NOT wild about the ocean.

What a baby. 

Today Xander said to me, "I love you, Shay"

Oh Xander, "I love you, too! So much."

"Did you hear me Shay, remembered your name!"

I'm such a good godmother. 

Photo bombing.

Who doesn't love it. 

The black tarp just makes the picture.  

Carlsbad CA, Flower Fields.

It's like a field with a whole crap load of flowers.

I'm still in this house, right now

Great service.

We were listening to The Wind Beneath My Wings.

She was singing so loudly.

I was laughin, like a horse.

Don't worry, I don't know what that means either

P.S.I lost my sunglasses.

That or aliens stole them.

I'm gonna blame the green guys.

So, send me a pair or two, I'm all about charity.

Shrooms?

Sign us up.

If you hang out with me you will do the following.

1. Buy slurpees.

2. Dye my hair for me.

3. Give me a sleeping pill, I might be writing this half alive.

4. And play video games.

Guess who lost.

And yeah, my sweater is way too big.

Anywho.

Blogland, here you go.

A vlog.

You need to meet my other best friend now.

You already met this one, yesterday.  If you haven't, do it now dang it.

Today is Wanda.

Tomorrow is a great mystery.

Sorry I'm so white.
Sorry if this makes no sense, I am so tired I drooling.

like I was here.