The Year Of A Thousand Mistakes.

I have had a single sentence run through my mind as of late, usually when my heart is set too high in my chest, and my present recalls the past.

I will look back on my life, and I will remember a specific year, that year being 2011.. and I will remember it as The year of a thousand mistakes.

How an instant in January of 2011 changed my world, flipped it, and left me reeling, clinging for solid ground.
So unaware of what would come, how hard I would fall, and how quickly I would become who I knew in my heart of hearts I had such great potential to be.

And the days I lost.

The months I regret.

The hours, the nights, I cannot recall.

And yet, remember all too well.

This truth shall remain, solid, intact, and constant.. I lost myself.

I was slowly and surely becoming a vacancy of who I really am.

This is not the post to delve into memory, because sometimes the relization of this breath, this moment, is powerful enough to drown out any error of yesterday.

I'm finding her again.

I'm finding the girl who loves to write letters.

I'm finding the girl who loves the smell of rain.

I'm finding the girl who loves to laugh, and will find great joy at the end of the day if she's made someone fall over with laughter.

I'm finding the girl that loves an itunes unknown-er, and a song to soothe a wounded soul..

I'm finding the girl who gives, rather then takes.

I'm finding the girl, the one I know I am, but left for a long, cold season.

I'm finding the girl who stopped doing what she loves.

The girl that picked up a pencil for the first time in a year and a half, and with fear questioned if she'd forgotten how to draw the things that move her.

Drawing the face, that matches the voice of 2011, and in some small way.. mending a year, that year, the year of a thousand mistakes.

"when was the last time you thought of me, or have you completely erased me from your memory.. I often think about where I went wrong, the more I do, the less I know.."

And the hurt fades, with each stroke of the pencil, and somehow I find forgivness for who I was.

Better, finding a way to be better.

Be this girl.

Be the kind of girl I would want to be friends with.

Be the kind of daughter who God wishes me to be.

Be the kind of girl who is whole but respects how recently she was broken.

Be the kind of girl that someone might just keep for the rest of his life.

Be the kind of girl that I want to be, and leaving the girl that I was behind.

Awww.

Me.

It's nice to find another way back to normal.

Even if the normal is missing crucial pieces of my life that faded during the year of a thousand mistakes.

Oh how I wish to keep them, but losing them taught me more so then what keeping them may have ever taught me.

Gees.

Funny post, right?