Dismantle My Heart.

I wish to dismantle my heart for a season.

Allow for the change of my internal condition to pass with quiet grace.

I selfishly wish for the sun, and for the kind warming of something- slightly easier to take place.

Summer.

Spring.

I would settle for Autumn.

He rests.

There is always sweet in such a giant place of sorrow.

Some gifts are too sacred to unwrap publicly.

This loss feels precious.

And words to express will remain within the quite chambers of my soul, words that I will keep for the rest of my life.

But I will say this, as I was sitting in the airport this morning, tears stinging my eyes, robbing my throat of  any comfort..  I calmly let them fall, unnerved by a public revelation of my truth.. I realized..

I will spend my entire life mourning the loss of such an immaculate man, and trying to find understanding, but most importantly trying to find a way to honor him.

Perhaps the most bittersweet feeling of grief is knowing that I am so much better for having had him, even if it feels I only had him for what feels like the briefest of seasons.