I Suffer From I Really Hate My Roommates Shower Curtainitis.

Ready?

I hope you're sitting down..

If you aren't my fb friend.

Well.. sad.

But if you are you know my status updates often consist of myself auctioning off my roommate to the highest bidder.

I have 3 roommates.

2 of them are on the opposite side of the house.

I almost don't even know they're alive until I have to collect their rent.

But this post is not about them.

It's about roommate #1..

OH roommate number 1..... It's never good when I use the italic font in reference to her, or anyone.

We're going to call her Mariah Carey.

I seriously dislike Mariah Carey.

Both of them.

I'm sorry if you love the sing...eeerh? Mariah Carey, I hope our bloggership can get past this hurdle if that's the case.

This was made specifically for Mariah Carey..

Whatever makes you feel better, right?

It made my online world rounds.

Some of you.. could understand the dolphin curtain.

"WHAT'S WRONG WITH DOLPHINS, SHAY?!??!"

aka. Tia.

She works at Sea World, so she can like the curtain and I won't question her.

But when my fellow humans come over to see the house..

And expletives flow out of the mouth while questioning this curtain..

I just, I just, I just...

"UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHH."

Keyboard scream.

I just made that up.

Ready?

Ready?

There is really no preparing anyone for it.

P.S.

I risked my life to take these photos.

I had 47 seconds to do it.

I had no idea when Mariah Carey would be home.

Don't you worry I was a total spy about it, and I got away with it. 

I'm pretty sure the CIA will be contacting me real soon.

I felt like you needed the full effect.

Hi Definition n' everything.

And I needed you all to see how white I REALLY am.

Oh, look at my owl necklace, look at those crazy eyes.. whoa.. 

Pretty sure it comes to life at night.

For the record, I don't hate dolphins.

I once became friends with one from Hawaii.

He told me I was his favorite non-dolphin ever, even if I smelled and felt really, really weird.

I told him he was my favorite dolphin, even if he smelled and felt really, really, weird.

One of my favorite jokes ever is about dolphins, I heard it on Glee..

Google it, or email me.

I don't want to offend anyone.

Just all the Mariah Carey lovers.. and dolphin lovers.

Oh my swear word.

Maybe I should stop blogging.

This is my..

I tried to like it face..

and my.. uh is that the garage face??

I tried.

But it just resulted in me crying, again.

We are not 12 anymore Mariah Carey.

I just hate it.

I thought blogging about it might help.

Nope.

See how perfectly beautiful the shower is?

That tile.

Oh it's pretty.

The glass shower doors.

Perfect.

I like looking at my cellulite in the mirror...;)

It's perfect motivation for all the working out I don't ever do.

P.S. That line under my lip?

Totally red lipstick.

Klassy.. That's classy with a k... :)

Me: "Official diagnosis, doctor?"

Dr. HIPA Law Violator: "Miss Kilfoyle, you suffer from.. I Really Hate My Roommates Shower Curtainitis.."

Me: "I don't think I'm gonna make it."

Dr. HIPA Law Violator: "I don't think you're going to either.. Maybe you need to quit taking in visuals of the curtain.. it will make the end less painful"

Me: "I can't help it! It's burned into my memory, and her bathroom is across the hall.."

Dr. HIPA Law Violator: "We can remove that portion of your brain at your next appointment."

Me: "What kind of doctor are you?"

One of my top ten favorite songs.

It's so brilliant.

I almost always cry. Annie or Kelly's version.

Like when I see the shower curtain.

Oh & P.S. my friend Codi, who was once my blog stalker, now a great friend..  thought she was hilarious, and posted this on my fb wall.

"Saw this and thought of you.  Hey things could always be worse."