Don't Make Me Barf ALL Over You. (my life story)

Hi.

My name is Shaylynn.

I was born in Layton, Utah.

My parents conceived me on Christmas, and notified me of my conception date therefor ruining a beautiful Holiday.

I hope its all ruined for you guys too at one point, if you haven't asked, you should. (the day you were conceived is what I mean by that of course, I hope Christmas isn't ruined for any of you)

They tried for a year to get me to come to earth. 

You can bet your life that I was up there.. goin.. "awww, no way..." and one of my friends pushed me down the chute, laughing.

On the day I was brought home from that hosptial that everyone dies at now a days, my oldest sibling Jordan pushed me off the couch.  He was 12.  Jk, like 2 1/2, anyway...

So whenever I do anything dumb, I blame it on that.

Back on subject.

In preschool I copied this girl next to me.

Her ceramic plate was shockingly the same as mine.

It's one of my first childhood memories.

My first boyfriend was Ryan, we kissed every day before preschool.

I bet he's still not even kinda close to over me.

Life moved on.
Kindergarten.. parents seperate/dad leaves us.
He comes back.
Epic.

In first grade I won an art contest, for Just Say No to drugs.

Meanwhile on my 19th birthday my friend Brooke and myself bought a pack of cigarettes, because it was finally legal.

I almost died.

Turns out I have a lung condition which hates smoke.

Needless to say I don't smoke.

And I didn't "Just Say No.." I should've... You don't always die from tobacco... I sing that song pretty regularly, and I try to mimic the voice.

For some reason I can't remember a lick from first or second grade.

A little thing I like to call repressed memories.

I nearly drowned when I was 7, my brother saved my little life, that sweetheart.

My third grade teacher had polio.

My fourth grade teacher was Satan herself.

My fifth grade teacher.. well she made me cry once because she asked me to put my pencil lead away.  It was hard.

In sixth grade everyone had smelly markers but me, but I bet had more brain cells.

Oh yes, and in 4th grade, I dipped a girls hair into rubber cement over and over again on the bus ride home.

She put Elmer's glue in mine, so I just one upped her.

Whoops.

Her name was Flo, like the period.

Junior High.

I spent the first year looking homeless.

and so on.
Hated it.

High School was pretty useless.

The best friends went to Layton, my mother hated me and made me go to Davis.

I hardly graduated, but I managed.

But I did end up getting engaged.

That ended as soon as I figured out that I managed to somehow get myself engaged at 18, and I wasn't even pregnant. WTF.

Graduated.

Parents divorced.

Dad almost died.

Broke up with boys several dozen times, or four times.

Moved around, a lot.
*trauma*

Dad remarried day after my parents divorce was finalized, cute huh.

Mom married that one man who I learned to love.

Mom married that one man who we call Dad and he stole her away to Pennsylvania.

Yuck.

I was in a serious relationship.

I stayed here.

We broke up.

We got back together.

We broke up.

*I'm leaving out all sorts of juicy details on purpose*

*trauma*

*trauma*

oh and more

*trauma*
Tattoo.

Worst year ever.

And all sorts of hell broke loose and was so lost that search and rescue had to be called in.

Oh wait, once I really did get lost in the mountains.

I was 16.

By search and rescue I mean this broken girl had a full blown nervous break down, and therapist and hospitalizations were necessary.

Depression.

It was everywhere.

Anyway..

So back east I went.

Hey mom!

Hey Shay, lets fix you, you're clearly broken.

Eat this!

Sleep less!

Stay awake!

Go to the doctor!

Gain weight!

Smile more!

Go to therapy!

Don't say that!

How are you feeling?

Blah.

Blah.

Blah.

Until lo and behold, one day I got better.

Oh shoot.

Singing and everything!

AWWWWW.

Better.

Two years go by.

I work hard.

I fight a good fight.
*trauma*

I fall short for a while there, but I get my head back on, and I find a way to breathe and live this life, cute.

THEN.

I pack up my car, I drive across the country to the hottest town in Utah, the southern corner of its very world and I start over, in a town where I knew 6 people.

All of which were family.
I drove from Coast to Coast and lost my way, but surely am finidng it.
Met some new people.

Got assaulted by a crazy girl.
Lost it a bit.
Found it.
Got a second tattoo.
Whoops.

Kinda drank a whole lot.

Kinda struggle with that a whole lot, but I am managing.
By managing I mean I fight.

Made some friends.

Lost some friends.

Had a boyfriend or two.

Broke up with a boyfriend or two.

Gained weight.

Lost weight.

Slept.

Awake.

You know, I live.

And you know..

Life.

It's flipping hard.

But it also has some wonderful parts..

Hi, my name is Shaylynn.

I'm 27 years old.

If I wanted to be married.

I would be married.

I had the chance.

Many times.

But it wasn't time.

It wasn't right for me, and it wasn't right for him.

Everywhere I have gone.

Every single person I have met has brought me to where I am today.

It's all been crucial.

My life was different then most.

My heart beat so differently for such a long time.

And it's just been a crazy, long, emotional, hilarious adventure.

And if I have one more person, seriously one more human being ask me why I'm not married.

Why I don't have children.

If I want children.

If I want to be married..

ANY OF IT.

I'm just going to carry this blog post around in my pocket and read it to them.. start to finish..

and say..

Don't make me barf ALL over you.

My life has been full.

My life has been rich.

And it's O freakin K that I am not married.

Or dating anyone for that matter.

Being alone is not bad.

Sometimes being with someone however, is bad.

I'm not infertile.

I'm not defective at 27, I'm just me..

And I'm figuring it all out..
My parents divorcing did not teach me to afraid of marriage.
It taught me to be careful, it taught me to be wise.
My mothers husband and their relationship has taught me what marriage is.
My parents marriage taught me what it shouldn't be.
I'm neither afraid nor dependant on the idea of marriage.
I'm just me.
Sometimes I'm just plain happy.
And sometimes I wake up evil.
It's just me.
I'm just me.

I have wrinkles around my eyes when I smile now.

It's okay.

They're marks of a life lived, and fought through and for.

And just because I might joke here and there..

and announce that my tubes have tied just by looking at certain children..

doesn't mean I don't wish for it.

Gees.

Leave me alone, everyone who bugs me.

It's okay.

And do not tell me he's right around the corner.

If I am meant to find "him" I will.

The end.

I bet you didn't know I could tell my life story so quickly.

Oh man.
Or maybe you're exhausted and have fallen over dead.
and I'm never getting another tattoo.