As I’m winding down the days of my blog here, I debated back and forth as to whether or not I dare venture into a part of my blog, namely a person, who fills so many of its pages. But I would never disrespect the story, or our friendship so greatly by not honoring the chapters that it filled in my life here.
We don’t get to decide our story, as much as we like to think that we are in control that we alone chose our life, and we chose the outcome, we really don’t.. There is always a greater power at hand. There is always another human being waiting to alter the words of the next sentence, we are not entirely free to write our own story. However we have the wonderful opportunity to hold the chapters of our lives in our hands, feel the words that have already come and gone, the bits and pieces of a life lived, and chose how we honor the story, we choose. I’ve had to remind myself of that while writing this, but more importantly while living this story, this story with an ending, an unfortunate heartbreaking end. If I could tell a story, ours, and handle it with as much love as humanly possible, I guess it would sound a bit like this.
Once upon a time, there were two friends, from very different worlds who found a friendship unlike any other, and in the beginning it was full of light, laughter, hope, peace and God.
In the middle it was difficult, but some stories are overpowered by the beginning, so I dare say hope was what sustained them, hope of some sort, hope of some sort resolve, light, laughter, hope, peace and God. That what was lost could be found, even if the strand of hope was tethered and begging to snap.
But, in the end, the story ended abruptly. And like I said we don’t always get to chose how a particular story ends, in this case I did not. It takes two to lead up to a demise of something that’s for sure. If I could, I would have chosen a better way to leave something behind, but in all reality goodbye really is just finalized, come fire or blackness, however it burns or fades, it’s still just goodbye. But today I will end it with how it began. Love for my friend. Hope for her future. Light in whatever darkness comes her way. Peace on her part of this earth during this holiday season. And that God will ease the part of my heart that still has yet to forget.
But there will come a day, I know beyond all reason that I will look back and cherish these chapters of my life, maybe not tomorrow, but there will be a tomorrow, and I anticipate it. It is what I pray for from time to time, and I know I’m bound to find it, and it will feel like the warmth of a summer day and the freedom of forgiving myself.